Saturday, March 26, 2016

Journal of an Abductee - Part 1 - An Awakening, and the Realization of an Unnerving Truth

For a while now, I've had in mind to start a series about my own life experiences. Many of us have gone through various process of awakening, and realizations that the world is not quite what we were raised to believe. My experiences (like those of many) are not particular topics of socially acceptability among some audiences, either due to closed minds, or due to fear of the possibility that those who speak of such things may actually be telling the truth. Maybe both situations apply. Either way, my life has primarily been wrought with these other-worldly experiences, and I think it's about time I brought them into the light, whatever the result (or the reaction) might be.

Be advised, not all of these experiences are exactly pleasant to read about. If you are a person who doesn't feel comfortable discussing such topics, you may want to read one of my other articles.  If you are someone I may know in real life, who didn't know any of these things about me, prepare to hear some things you didn't expect to. Overall, if you are interested in hearing these otherworldly stories from my life, read on.

...Still here? ...Good. Lets get started then.

There are more stories to tell than I am able to count.  So it took me some time to decide where to start. I may as well tell you about the first time I became fully aware of these involuntary, nighttime excursions. This was a few years back during the hay-day of my awakening. I had recently joined two community groups on meditation and intuitive practices, and was well on my way to learning a great deal about the otherwise, hidden truth of the world around me.

Life was extremely difficult then as I had just gotten out of a traumatic experience trying to live in a deceptively closed-minded city, which I expected to hold more opportunity than my experience lent. My career had come to a screeching halt do to my failing health, loss of energy, and the consequent loss of the mental and emotional fortitude it took to sustain it all on my own. To add, I had also just made a decisive exit from an abusive church organization/cult which bore much resemblance to the one I was raised in. All of these factors combined made life seem pretty ridiculous at the time. There wasn't much that I had to hope in back then. (I would later receive more devastating news, but luckily, the hardship didn't all fall on my head at once.)

There are many details I could give you about my awakening experience—many of them were amazing beyond even my comprehension, but for now, I will keep things short and get to what I'm sure you're waiting to hear.

There have been countless hints in my past that things were very wrong with regard to my nighttime surroundings at home. Any time I would turn the lights out I would typically here strange sounds that I couldn't explain (coming from right next to me), objects sliding across my desk (a level, stable surface) across from my bed, and then there were the spotty, disjointed memories I seemed to have of occurrences which were anything but normal. It wasn't that I had never had strange experiences before, it was just that I never bothered to take notice. I didn't realize that there might be a connecting factor among most of them. One night, that all change.

I was getting ready to go to sleep just like always—shower, tooth-brushing, setting my alarm clock—per my normal routine. I turn out the light and get in bed, but as I laid there, I noticed that something was different. After a few minutes I began to notice noises coming from outside my window.  (I lived in a relatively quiet neighborhood at the time so there wasn't much noise to begin with.  The backyard was small and fenced in.  There were never many animals around.  At least not that I ever saw.  I would imagine that w few nocturnal animals would stroll through every now and then, and wasn't really expecting to see anything new that night.)

At a certain point, I realized that the noises coming from outside my window didn't at all seem random, like the wind usually does. (It was fall a the time, so I could hear the wind through the trees outside my window, as well as the quiet rustling of dry leaves blowing across the ground.) Still I tried not to take much notice, but my obliviousness would not last long.

At one point, I got the feeling that I was being watched, even though I was completely alone in a dark, enclosed room with closed blinds.  At the same time, I realized that the sound of leaves crunching outside near my window was somehow reacting to me, and whenever I took notice, they quieted down. Naturally, I didn't feel good about this at all. In weeks later, I would very much take notice of these sounds, but that night I ended up excusing it away as some animal and going to sleep. However, this night would be anything but normal.

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I awakened to the scene of my room, but it wasn't at all normal. Everything was warped as though someone took my normal field of vision and stretched it out length-wise. Another aspect of this view which was definitely off, was the fact that everything was bathed in an iridescent, blue light. Upon seeing this bright light in my room, I simply thought it was morning and that it was time to get up, only I'm pretty sure I couldn't move. It was only seconds before I heard a drill behind my head. The sound was unmistakable. It didn't sound like anything you could buy in a hardware store. The RPM was too high for that, plus there seemed to be two tones within that rotational sound (one higher in pitch than the other).

It wasn't long after I heard the drill that I felt the drill boring into an area of my skull that should have killed me (near the base of the occipital bone). One would expect to feel some type of pain upon having their skull drilled, but my experience was different. In a way it was much worse. The moment the drill made contact with my head, I'm pretty sure I died, or came pretty close to death. I lost control of all movement and went limp, my eyes would no longer move, yet I could still see out of them somewhat, and my tongue became a lifeless hunk of flesh in my mouth. I'll never forget the way my tongue retracted and flopped to the back of my mouth. I imagine the only way such a thing could happen is if one's heart stopped.

This would be a shorter ordeal compared to others. I had no conscious memory of anything else that happened that night, but when I woke up I was understandably confused. Part of me knew that I wasn't dreaming. I remembered what I saw and what I felt, and that the scene that I experienced, as I laid there unable to move, was not at all my room, but only projected image.  (Through later experiences, I'm now convinced that the image of my room was some sort of manipulated illusion.)

The memory was only one aspect of the ordeal. When I awoke that morning, I had a headache like no other I have ever experienced, but it wasn't just a headache. I had experienced constant migraines during my college years to the point that I just learned to deal with the pain, as I knew life wasn't going to stop for me. This headache, however, was no migraine. This was a razor sharp, stabbing pain inside my head which started where the drill had apparently entered my skull. It wasn't just a pain though. The stabbing sensation was shifting as though something were moving inside my head. (I remember the pain being so severe that I found myself shutting one eye or the other, depending on which direction it moved.)

I have heard of different types of implants from stories of alien abduction. Some are actually solid and can be seen in an X-ray scan, but others are more difficult to detect. There are also those which are not physical at all, but more etheric or multiphasic. (Of course I realize this is unknown technology, but if you've come this far with me, you're obviously open-minded enough to imagine the possibility.) These implants can't be seen or detected because they exist in such a way that they are out of phase with base-level energetic resonance of our density, yet still they interfere with the body. It was probably one of these etheric implants which was placed in my head, if any, as a solid drill to the brain-stem would most-likely kill a person. Then again, it did feel as though I died.

I would live with this headache for months. Even still, I couldn't tell any of my typical friends what I had experienced. Sadly, society seems to be deliberately designed in such a way that when people have these problems, everyone is socially obligated to turn a blind eye, become rudely skeptical, or think the person to be crazy (not that I haven't considered that possibility as well). So no one speaks up, but these occurrences are as real as anything else a person experiences, whether or not society exhibits the courage to explore such possibilities. I knew of the reaction I would most likely receive from average people. So I kept this horror to myself, but not forever.

I consider myself very fortunate that I did have such an open-minded couple of friends in my community meditation groups. If it weren't for them I may not be here today. So I owe them quite a bit of gratitude.

As I said, there are countless stories I could write about from my own personal life. Most of these subjects are no big deal for me, though they are fairly revealing into my person life. So it would simply be a case of protecting identities and the privacy of those involved. This short account is fairly disjointed without the entirety of the picture to consider, but hopefully in time, I can write more of this out. I know there are countless people who have quietly suffered for lifetimes, as I have, without an open ear to hear their story. I intend to change that.

For those who haven't been informed on the matter, there is a sort of partial disclosure occurring presently, where some of the secrets of space, of the possibility of life on other planets, and government crimes against humanity, are slowly being revealed to the public. The catch about this disclosure is that those initiating it do not at all intend to tell us the entirety of the truth. They intend to only give the aspects of truth which are to their own advantage to reveal, without caring much about the ethical obligation to fully disclose.

I mention this partial disclosure because it is this string of half-truths that is intended to allow people like me and countless others to continue suffering for a lifetime. While we are denied any knowledge of life on other planets, every one of these abduction/experimentation programs (which currently use human-kind as lab rats) will be free to continue for another century. I don't intend to let this happen. The fact is that the more we speak up, the greater the chances we have of gaining our freedom, not just from this night-time torment, but from the establishment that is willfully perpetuating it.
One interesting fact to note is that as I was writing this, the energy in the room changed to a very low vibration. I have developed some pretty effective protection protocols (as well as some rather effective intuitive ability) which have kept me free from this nighttime nuisance for a while now, but after I started composing this article, it was though “they” went into overdrive.

My protection was no longer enough, and the presence of these exploitative beings was palpable--even audible--before I went to sleep (taps on the walls, the typical, sturdy bump on the side of my bed to see whether or not I've fallen asleep (a common occurrence), and the trademark static charge in the air). Their presence brings a very uncomfortable vibe to the room. It's the prickly sensation that comes with the hair on the back of the neck standing up. Only this energy normally stands all of the hair on my body up on end. I have never felt it during the day until I started writing this article. I get the feeling they dislike the fact that they are being outed, which gives me quite a bit of satisfaction in writing all of this down. (I received a synchronizing, numeric message the moment I wrote the previous sentence.)

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I would like to write more on these topics, but for now, I will give you a list of facts about my experiences so as to paint a clearer picture of my life's ordeal.

Recently, the website published an article which listed 72 different characteristics most people with previous abduction experiences have faced. You may find it interesting to know that I have experienced most of them for as long as I can remember. Here are a few of the symptoms which are most pertinent to me.

1 – LOST TIME: A period of time, from minutes to several days, in which you cannot recall what happened to you or what you have done.

This wasn't apparent at first, but at times when I wake up at night, I am wide awake. Instead of being groggy from deep sleep, I am fully alert (as though I had never fallen asleep at all), and can't remember ever falling asleep to begin with. I can't remember any dream, or any experience prior to waking up. At these times, I have felt as though I have been mind-wiped.

The one factor that separates my missing time from any typical sleep experience is that there have been nights when I could actually feel my eyes being forcibly closed even though I was not at all tired. (This happened to me the night before writing this edition.) When I went to open them, I had to strain in order to do so. It was as though some force was inducing sleep outside of my own will or tiredness.  This is not at all how I normally fall asleep.

2 – UNUSUAL MARKS: Scars on your body, scoop marks, laser cuts in series on ankle, wrist or back. Any scars which you’re unable to explain where you got them from.

I have both external and internal marks that I cannot explain. I have five evenly-spaced scars on the outside of my left arm which have faded over time, but that I could never explain. I have woken up with tiny spots of congealed blood in places which were clearly covered by clothing when I went to sleep. In the morning, the blood would be fresh, and I don't remember taking the time to get out of bed remove my own shirt and poke myself with a surgical tool during the night.

At times, I have woken up feeling as though I had just had back surgery. I can't always see the marks very well because they have typically been in the center of my spine (or just to the side), but the pain has been unmistakable (like I had just had fluid drawn).

4 – BEING WATCHED: A feeling you get, during or just prior to sleep at night.

I've covered this, but to add a few other details... The feeling watched isn't the half of it. I have heard and felt bumps on the side of my bed right as I fall asleep, as though I being checked to see if it is safe to move me. (This is when I usually call for extra protection.) I have heard bumps and knocks on the walls, tangible stomps on the floor right next to my bed. I have no roommates, no pets, and no adjacent pranksters of any kind. When this happens, I am alone.

5 – SLEEPWALKING: You wake up in a different place from where you went to sleep and do not know how you got there. (As detailed in my book, I did this from age seven to age sixteen.)

I used to sleepwalk when I was younger.

There have been many times, when I was being “walked” back to my bed among beings who were clearly not human ("greys"). This only happened twice to my recollection. However, I cannot say that I woke up from sleepwalking in a different place.

6 – SEEN A UFO: During your life you’ve seen UFO’s or seen strange lights in the sky. (Many times, in my teenage years, I saw silver discs, very high in the sky.)

There have been times (this was before I knew what these beings were) when I thought that these beings were benevolent, and I would ask to see one of their craft. Four times, on separate occasions, I saw a golden streak that was moving far too fast to be a shooting star. Two of these were in the exact same place in the sky two nights in a row.

8 – UNEXPLAINED MEDICAL PROBLEMS: Sudden illness, sinus problems, fatigue, migraines or rashes.

I was always complaining of aches and pains as a child. There didn't seem to be any explanation for any of them. I didn't hurt myself much, and there were no outward signs that anything was wrong, but still these pains would come and go.

I have already converted the subject of migraines. I had a problem in college with fatigue that no amount of caffeine could remedy. Every day, come 2 pm, wherever I found myself, I was falling asleep.

There are many other health problems common to the abduction experience, but I may save those for another time.

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9 – UNABLE TO SLEEP: You experience insomnia by way of nightmares, dreaming of UFO’s or being devoured by animals with large black eyes. (Usually associated with common wild animals such as owls, coyotes or wolves.)

I've had the worst time falling asleep at night when I was younger. This has recently improved, but overall, I don't count on falling asleep immediately at night.

13 – PSYCHIC ABILITIES: You suddenly feel as though you have obtained some degree of psychic ability without any explanation for it.

There have been many times when I've discovered new abilities of mine which have helped me accurately perceive things I have no physical means of knowing. I'll save the details for another time, but for now, I will tell you that I have successfully seen straight through playing cards and accurately guess multiple cards in a row.  That night, after discovering this, I received some unwanted guests.

14 – PARALYZED IN BED: Waking with immobility. For some reason you cannot move your body for a few seconds or minutes.

My entire childhood is blanket with these experiences. Not only would I wake up paralyzed, but I would see several dark figures in the room, out of the corner of my eye, just standing there staring at me.

15 – BALLS OF LIGHT: Flashes of light or beams of light glimpsed through the corner of your eyes or seen directly, head on in your bedroom at night.

I see these all the time now. The night I started writing this article, I saw a door of light directly at the foot of my bed. This was out of the corner of my eye, and for only an instant. (There were no such lights on in my house, and it was completely dark outside.  No car lights or reflections could have caused this either.)

16 – DREAMS OF FLYING: Repeated dreams of having the ability to fly or of flying over your house or a familiar area.

I have been flying in my dreams since young childhood.

17 – STRONG MEMORY: A very strong memory of something unusual such as floating through the air, lying upon an examination table, seeing a hypodermic needle or seeing a strange, skinny baby.

I have countless memories like this. The most notable one didn't need a memory. This was when I woke up in my bed, wide awake with retinal fatigue. This was strange because you can't get retinal fatigue in a completely dark room with your eyes closed, and if you could, the image doesn't typically look like three greys taking a selfie.

Yes... I actually woke up with that image on my retinas. There may have been another type of being there as well. They were bathed in bright light and were just sitting there staring back at me.

19 – YOUR MISSION: You become aware of a strong sense of duty, a mission in life. You have a compulsion to fulfill a task in life but you don’t know exactly what it is or why you have this feeling.

I have had this feeling for a long time. This feeling seemed to be separate from my identity as a star-seed. This was something different which gave me the feeling that I wasn't supposed to talk about.

20 – “SPECIAL”: You have a feeling that secretly, known only to yourself, you are special or chosen by someone, somehow.

Yeah, I've had this too, for most of my life. I don't know how much of it is my true soul speaking, and how much of it is just psychically-programmed fluff.

21 – UNEXPLAINED EVENTS: You have had occurrences in your life which you cannot understand or explain to anyone.

There are countless events like this which I plan to write about in the future. The most revealing of these was the time was barely awake in the morning and felt an itch on my nose. Just as a pre-consciousness reflex, I reached up to brush my nose. As I did, I felt a long, solid object protruding out my right nostril. The moment I did this, I heard an alarm-type of sound followed by a quick sniffing/snorting and scurrying sounds, but before I could open my eyes, the room was silent.  When I opened them, no one was there.

22 – PSYCHIC: You have had the experience of knowing something was going to happen before it happened and then – it did happen!

This has happened more times than I can count. There was one instance when I was a kid where I was at an open-house at someone else's school. There was a clown there who was making balloon animals for some kids in a circle. When he got to me, I didn't really want one, but I said yes anyway. I was certain that when he got to me, my balloon would pop before he was done. This was the reason I didn't want one. Sure enough, when he got to me, not two seconds into the formations of my giraffe did that balloon animal pop in his face.

This alone isn't very significant, but combined with the others, it is pretty revealing.

24 – STARTLED: You awaken in the night, sometimes frequently, feeling a sense of panic or anxiety for no apparent reason.

This has happened to me more times than I can count. One night, as a child, I woke up terrified to move (unsure as to why, but still in a panic), and kept the covers over my head as though my life depended upon it.  At one point I mustered up the courage to move, but as I did, the covers came off of my head for a split second. That second was more than enough to see “reason" for my fear staring back at me. That topic is for another article though.

25 – PICTURES OF ALIENS: You have an aversion to looking at any picture or drawing of an alien, similar to the greys shown on the cover of the book: “Communion”.

..."Check". Even creating the cover-art for this article was difficult for me. So was reading the book “Communion” by Whitley Strieber.

28 – SELF-ESTEEM PROBLEMS: You have experienced that low worth feeling much of your life.

This is common among those who have been treated as I have since birth. I get on with my life though, and realize that the problem is only as big as I allow it to be.

30 – CRAFT OR ALIEN: You have someone in your life who claims to have seen a UFO, been abducted or has witnessed missing time.

I have met other people who have had similar experiences.

31 – BLOOD: You have had times when you found blood, or small drops of blood on your pillow with no explanation how it got there.

Yes, but I covered that earlier.

32 – UFO’S OR ALIENS: You have had an interest in these topics in your mind with no idea why.

I actually made up a comic book/story line in which I was the hero. This was when I was in high school. I was extremely interested in art, and would receive numerous compliments on my artistic abilities. The hero of this particular comic was an abductee, and the aliens gave him super powers which he would use to save the world in different ways. ...Still waiting for those super powers, by the way.

37 – NOSE BLEEDS: You have had nose bleeds at some time in your life without apparent cause or you have awoken with a nose bleed. (I had nosebleeds from childhood through my teenage years.)

Yes, and it's not really a mystery as to why anymore, considering the time I woke up with a nuclear cooling rod sticking outta' there.

40 – ELECTRONIC MALFUNCTION: Certain electronic appliances, (computers, digital watches, etc.) seem to malfunction in your presence with no explanation. Street lights going out when you walk under them or radio and television being affected when you walk by.

In my college years, I slept on a couch for some time with a TV across from me. Several nights I was there, for no apparent reason, the TV would turn itself on, and turn its own volume to full. ...And no, I didn't fall asleep on the remote. I image that could have other explanations though.

41 – RINGING IN THE EARS: Frequent or sporadic ringing in your ears on just in one ear.

I will experience this several times per week.  Though I realize that many other people do as well.  This, alone, doesn't automatically translate to having the experiences in question.

42 – BEHIND YOUR EYE: A headache, especially in the sinus, or in just one ear.

One or twice a month, I will have this problem.  The pain is fairly intense, but compare to other experiences, it's not that bad.

43 – MEDICAL PROCEDURES: Dreams of doctors doing medical procedures upon your body.

In my minds eye, I will see needles being inserted into my body in places where I experience unexplained pain and numbness.

53 – DON’T TALK: You have the feeling you should not talk about these things or that you are not supposed to talk about these things.

Oops... Clumsy me! Yeah, I don't bow to fear much anymore. Life's to short to have such limits.  Also, when you experience such intense terror for as long as I have, eventually it begins to loose its bite.

54 – SLEEP AGAINST THE WALL: You feel you must have your bed against the wall.

I've always had this feeling.  Although, my bed is now in the center of my room.


Though this isn't a dead give-away to being abduction-prone, it is included on my list. I haven't learned how to do this on purpose, but I have done it numerous times. I could write several articles on the subject.

67 – EXPERIENCE FLASHBACKS – (Strange craft, conference, corridors, glowing-misty oval room with table, alien exam, instruments, babies, hybrid children, ufo sightings, etc.)

All of the above apply. I will have many articles to write on each of these.

72 – AWAKE IN OTHER POSITION/PLACE  (I was sleepwalking, I thought, at a young age and my Grandmother awakened me in the front yard in the middle of the night!)

Yes. I covered this in another category above. I was known in my family as being a “crazy sleeper” because I was always in obscure positions in the morning. In actuality, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, when I don't have "interference", that is.

Numbered categories from

One interesting fact that I found out after the first night of writing this article is that these beings do not want to be discovered, discussed, or outed for what they really are. It is typical that the “grey” type of alien is the culprit for these types of abductions, though they are not the only ones involved. Though the currently accepted dogma of the scientific establishment blindly precludes nonsense when discussing such matters, I am not as mentally inflexible as establishment claims that I should be.

The universe is a big place, and until I see all of it, I don't know what's out there. This is real logic. Any ignoramus can walk around claiming to know what is and what isn't. Many of those with science degrees will often pretend to know more than they actually do simply because they are used to (even addicted to) the attention and admiration that comes from the illusion of knowledge and intelligence.

There is a big difference between such people and those with authentic intelligence.  A few of the marks of true intelligence are an open mind that is curious to hear more, the avoidance the of drawing of immediate conclusions, and the refusal to depend upon opinions of others to dictate reality to one's self.  In my life's experience, I have done my best to exude each of these traits.

I have had quite an experience trying to recount all that has happened to me over the years in this subject. I didn't think I would be able to get any of this out, as specially in a way that would be seen by thousands of people I've never met, but for what it's worth, I'm kind of glad I did. If my experiences can help spark a greater awakening and self realization among people, than I think it's worth it.
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Thanks for reading.

I started DTM because I feel that informing the people is the most positive and impactful thing I am able to do at this point. I work at my articles as though each one were my job, as I don't quite have the health to keep an actual job right now. Somehow, I get more energized when I know I'm having a positive impact in the lives of others. 

Right now, I rely upon donations and ads to keep my site going. Ideally, we would live in a world free of the need for money of any kind. We will have that world very soon, I believe, but in the mean time, I depend upon this task to sustain me as I do my best to be dependable to you, my readers. I hope “Discerning the Mystery” is a truly positive and progressive experience for you.

Thank you for your support.


  1. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I look forward to reading more. I really can't relate to very many of what you have disclosed but I do respect what you have written and want to know more.

    May you find the protection that you need to continue. And many thanks for the articles, comments, and transcriptions that you have placed on your website.

    Much love to you,

  2. Thanks for sharing your story. I found the way out so I want to share this. We can have old soul contracts which allows for experimentation. They can also appear to you and get you in a agreement through a false dream, that is the permission. I worked with a military physic who help me understand and stopped all of the craziness. I did have a implant in my head explode at one point that was wired in my nervous system. No one has a right to you and when you get soul sovereignty back it stops the games. Once you have that you have for eternity. You have to completely own your space. I had to go through many soul contracts and agreements before I got rid everyone. I also did depossession through Jesus and had to become much purer. Yes most people look crazy if they talk about this stuff I was a lucky one who was brought to good man. I had loud beeping transmissions from the implants and other stuff. I would have the loss of time and wake up disoriented. I have scars from samples they took, pretty sure I was impreganated. All the children would sleep walk in my family, and I found my own son outside one night. I had many ufo experiences dating back to 20, I am now 44. One time I found myself on a ship on a MT Shasta trip. All that stopped. We have lived many lives and some with alien groups, everything loops through time as a continuum, that is why what we do today is so important. Things can be a repeat. This is for anyone affected, it's about freeing everyone. I was a person who couldn't liberate and it was the alien groups who locked into using me. Very bad experience, but I am free now. Corey Goodes help me have a greater understanding and the size of the bs going on. Take Care, Amy

  3. I would like to express my support to you and thank you also for your writings. Personally, I do not think that I am part of the abductee "community", also I had a few strange experiences in my life. But I'm quiet sure that these are not going on in my current life. Nevertheless, it is imprtant i me to read about this topic. I do not have kids and will not have any, because my deepest fear would be that kind of problematic.

  4. Thank you Shem, What a great unburdening for you , I truly appreciate your sharing of yourself and experiences ,I believe this is your first steps towards freedom. I can relate to some of the things you mentioned from a spiritual experience, others i can understand as an invasion of your freedom as a human being.You are right to not give into fear ,if you can project the Love frequency to these Grays other beings you will give yourself your power back , i cannot say this will stop them but i hope you may have a better communication with them as in a say as to what is happening to you , as in Summer Bacon/Dr Peebles words Love heals all , Love is the consent.And from the “Blue Avians” & others, speaking through Corey Goode, We must learn to Forgive, Love one another more, service to others, this is what you are doing for all of us on planet earth, taking this huge invisible experiment on for all of us so we do not have to do it. I Thank you humbly and all the others out there this is happening to . Thank you . Love to you all.